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As we navigate the journey of life, our friendships provide a foundation of love and support. In midlife, women's friendships take on new significance as we experience various challenges and transformations. These connections can be a source of strength, solace, and joy, but they may also face difficulties. This blog explores the importance of women's friendships at midlife and provides guidance on addressing challenging issues such as envy, differing life circumstances, unmet expectations, and hurt feelings.
The Importance of Midlife Women's Friendships
At midlife, our relationships deepen, and we come to rely on our closest friends for emotional support, understanding, and shared experiences. Our friends provide a safe space to explore our evolving identities, life changes, and personal growth. Through these connections, we can find encouragement, understanding, and a sense of belonging during an often-transformative period. For example, as women face menopause, career changes, or empty nesting, friendships can offer solace and understanding, helping us feel less alone during these transitions. However, even the strongest friendships may encounter challenges and conflicts. When issues arise, it's essential to approach conversations constructively and empathetically. Here are some tips for addressing common difficulties:
Envy: Suppose your friend received a promotion, and you feel a pang of envy. Instead of letting it fester, acknowledge your feelings and use them as an opportunity for self-reflection. Think about sharing your emotions with your friend, saying, "I'm genuinely happy for you, but I'm also grappling with some disappointment in my own life.” This is also a time to re-center yourself around what you most value and look at pursuing things that make you feel full and alive. Watching close friends move forward in their lives can be a catalyst for growth in your own.
Different Life Circumstances: One of the things that can unwittingly undermine friendship is when life circumstances pull friends in different directions, making their experiences feel unrelatable. There are moments when circumstances in your own life (not getting pregnant when your close friends are, or going through a dating at midlife while friends are traveling with their families etc..) may cause you to have to take a step back from a friendship. Being able to prioritize where you are in life while still nurturing friendships can feel like a tough task. Having an open conversation about these differing life circumstances can help normalize them and help friends identify ways to stay in touch and connected.
Prioritize quality time together, like a monthly brunch or book club, and actively listen to each other's experiences. By showing genuine interest in each other's lives, you can maintain a strong bond despite differing circumstances.
Unmet Expectations/ Hurt Feelings: If you have close friends, you will have ruptures in the friendship. Often friendships feel like safe spaces where you process the ruptures that happen in other areas of life, yet this same work must be done from time to time in close friendships. One friend can feel as though they are putting more effort or energy into a friendship than the other person, or that they have had their expectations violated in some way. Being able to both voice these feelings and receive these feelings is the key to enabling friendships to deepen and become safer. It’s when friends decide to withhold expressing feelings or are unable to hear negative feedback that friendships can whither on the vine.
Approach this conversation with empathy and understanding by saying, "I was hurt by what you said. Can we talk about it and work towards a resolution?" Take responsibility for your actions and focus on healing and growth.
Women's friendships at midlife are a vital source of support, love, and connection. By nurturing these relationships and approaching difficult conversations with honesty, empathy, and vulnerability, we can strengthen our bonds and create lasting, fulfilling friendships. Embrace the challenges as opportunities for growth and deepen your connection with the women who enrich your life.