Ep. 65 Imposter Syndrome at Midlife: Getting Out of Your Own Way

Why We Feel Like Frauds (Even When We’re Not)

If you’ve ever felt like you’re just one step away from being “found out,” you’re not alone. Studies show that as many as 75% of high-achieving women experience imposter syndrome at some point in their careers. In this episode of Insights from the Couch, we unpack why imposter syndrome often flares up at midlife—and how to move through it with compassion, courage, and confidence. Imposter syndrome shows up as doubting your abilities, feeling like you’ve somehow “lucked into” your success, or fearing that someone will discover you don’t belong. It’s the quiet, anxious whisper that says “who am I to be here?”—even when your accomplishments speak for themselves.

Outside the Arena vs. Inside the Arena

Laura describes two common versions of imposter syndrome:

Outside the Arena: Women who hold themselves back until they feel “perfect.” They tell themselves “I’ll go for it when I’m ready”—but that day never comes.- ----Inside the Arena: Women who finally take the leap—get the job, publish the book, or start the business—but feel terrified someone will tap them on the shoulder and say they don’t belong. As Laura puts it, “It doesn’t get better whether you’re on the outside or the inside—it’s a mindset that follows you until you change how you talk to yourself.”

Why It Peaks at Midlife

For many women, midlife is a time of identity shifts. Kids are growing up, careers evolve, and new dreams start to take shape. But stepping into something new can awaken old doubts: Am I too old? Too inexperienced? Too late to start over?Colette explains, “At midlife, we’re often taking new risks—starting businesses, changing careers, writing books. And those shifts can trigger self-doubt because we’re in uncharted territory. But the presence of imposter syndrome usually means you’re growing.”

The Cost of Perfectionism

Perfectionism and imposter syndrome are close cousins. As Liz Gilbert says, “Perfectionism is fear in stilettos.” When we armor up, trying to appear flawless, we disconnect from our humanity and vulnerability—the very qualities that make us real, relatable, and resilient. Laura adds, “The people who struggle most with imposter syndrome are often the least comfortable with vulnerability. They’re wobbling in stilettos, terrified to admit they’re struggling.”

Five Ways to Dismantle Imposter Syndrome

1. Name it. Say it out loud—to a friend, therapist, or trusted colleague. Speaking it breaks its power.

2. Track your wins. Keep a list of small and big victories. You’re building a “stack of irrefutable evidence,” as Laura says.

3. Get messy in the arena. Confidence isn’t built by waiting—it’s built by doing.

4. Practice self-compassion. Follow Dr. Kristin Neff’s framework: This is a moment of suffering. Others feel this too. May I be kind to myself in this moment.

5. Adopt a growth mindset. Perfection isn’t the goal—progress is. As Colette says, “Confidence isn’t the absence of fear; it’s taking action in the face of it.”

From Imposter to Empowered

At the heart of it, imposter syndrome is a sign that you’re stretching into new territory. You’re not faking it—you’re becoming it. As Colette reminds us, “If you’re not growing, you’ll probably feel comfortable. But comfort is the real trap. The discomfort of growth is where confidence is born.”

Resources Mentioned

- The Imposter Cure by Dr. Jessamy Hibberd

- Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen

- Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck

- Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff

Final Takeaway

If imposter syndrome shows up for you at midlife, take it as a good sign—it means you’re in motion. You’re in the arena, not watching from the sidelines. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be willing.“Cringe is the cost of admission,” Laura laughs. “But once you’re in the arena, you realize no one’s watching as closely as you think.”

Listen Now: Ep. 65 Overcoming Imposter Syndrome at Midlife