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Ep. 61 7 Skills You Need to Master Midlife


Why Midlife Feels Like “Chutes & Ladders” (And What Actually Helps)

Midlife isn’t a highlight reel—it’s a full-color, messy, gorgeous, exhausting season. Between caring for aging parents, navigating relationships and careers, and riding the waves of peri/menopause, it’s no wonder so many of us feel stretched thin. The good news? There are learnable skills that make this stage more grounded, purposeful, and satisfying. In our Midlife Masterclass and on the podcast, we teach a therapist-crafted set of seven core skills we’ve developed over years of clinical work and our own lived experience. These won’t make life “easy,” but they absolutely make it easier—with more agency, clarity, and self-respect. Bookmark this as your go-to guide—and grab our free companion worksheet, 7 Skills to Master Midlife, on our site (link on our homepage).


1) Boundaries: Know Your Side of the Net

Picture every relationship like a tennis court. Your thoughts, time, energy, and choices live on your side; theirs live on theirs. So many of us end up tangled in the net—over-managing, over-functioning, or rescuing. Boundaries are not only about saying “no” to others; they’re about letting other people own their choices and setting loving limits with yourself (sleep, alcohol, screen time, spending, commitments).


Try this:

When you feel the urge to jump the net, pause and ask: What is truly mine to carry here? Then respond with one clear, kind sentence: “Unfortunately, that won’t work for me,” or “I trust you to decide what’s best for you.”


2) Assertive Communication: Say the Real Thing—Kindly

Assertiveness is often misunderstood. It isn’t aggression; it’s clarity with care. It sounds like:

• “I’m not available then; here are times that work.”

• “When X happened, I felt Y. Moving forward, I need Z.”

Most people respond surprisingly well to clear, calm honesty. Where we get stuck is waiting for anger to propel us. You don’t need anger to tell the truth. You need skill + practice.


Try this:

Draft your “real thing” in one or two sentences. Read it out loud. Remove apologies and over-explaining. Keep warmth; keep clarity.


3) Frustration Tolerance: Build Your “Hard-Things” Muscle

Discomfort isn’t a sign you’re doing it wrong—it’s often a sign you’re growing. Midlife asks us to tolerate disappointing others (and being disappointed), sitting with uncertainty, and doing what’s right without guaranteed outcomes. That capacity is trainable.


Try this:

Pick one tiny “hard thing” daily: send the email, say the no, start the workout, look at the budget. Let the feeling be there—and act in alignment with your values anyway.


4) Self-Connected Communication (Parts Work / IFS-Inspired)

Inside each of us lives a whole inner cast: the critic, the protector, the perfectionist, the people-pleaser, the angry defender, the scared child. When a “part” hijacks you, you react. When Self (your wise, calm center) leads, you respond.


Try this:

Close your eyes for 60 seconds. Put a hand on your heart. Ask, What part is up right now? What is it trying to protect me from? Thank it. Then invite your wisest self to take the lead: I’ve got this. We’ll handle it.


5) Rewriting Your Inner Critic

We all have one. Some are brutal. The critic is trying (badly) to keep you safe from failure, shame, or rejection. Treating it like a monster strengthens it; relating to it softens it.


Try this:

Name your critic. When it pipes up, respond like a good coach to a gifted five-year-old: “Thanks for wanting me to do well. We’ll learn from this—without trashing ourselves.”


6) Energy Protection: Parent Your Nervous System

Energy protection is self-parenting in action. Know what drains you and what fuels you—then structure your week accordingly. Some of us refuel in solitude; others in lively, social spaces. Many need both. If all your energy is spent on others, resentment is inevitable.


Try this:

Reclaim 20% of your weekly energy for you (non-negotiable). Put it on the calendar like any other commitment: a quiet walk, dinner with a friend, an art class—whatever truly restores you.


7) Resilience: Accept Reality, Focus on Agency

Resilience isn’t pretending everything is fine; it’s telling yourself the truth and then choosing your next right step. Accepting what you can’t control frees you to act where you do have power.


Try this:

When you’re spiraling, write two columns:• Reality I can’t control: (list it)• Agency I still have: (three concrete actions you can take this week)


The Throughline: Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love

If you change only one thing, make it your self-talk. Trade self-berating for steady, encouraging coaching. It doesn’t mean lying to yourself; it means telling the truth in a way that keeps you moving.


Script to steal:

“This is hard, and I’m capable. Here’s what I’m going to try next.”


Ready to Practice These Skills with Us?

These seven skills come to life in community. That’s why we built Midlife Masterclass, our 12-week online group coaching program for women who want real tools, real talk, and real change. If this episode resonated, hop on the waitlist and grab our free 7 Skills download on our site.


Episode Reference

This article was adapted from Insights from the Couch, E61: “7 Skills to Master Midlife.” Listen for deeper stories, therapist tips, and practical examples you can use today.


 
 
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