Ep. 57 Stepping Out of Victim: How to Get Out of the Drama Triangle with Friends, Family, and Co-Workers

In episode 57 of Insights from the Couch, Laura and Colette dive into one of the most powerful psychological tools for understanding dysfunctional relationship patterns: the Drama Triangle. Originally developed by psychologist Stephen Karpman in the 1960s, this model explains how we can get stuck in unhealthy dynamics with others—and what it takes to finally break free.This episode isn't just theory—it's personal. Laura and Colette share their own stories of slipping into these roles and offer grounded insights for recognizing these patterns in your own life, especially in midlife when relationships, roles, and self-worth can feel like they’re up for renegotiation. Let’s break it down.

What Is the Drama Triangle?

The Drama Triangle consists of three key roles:- Victim: Feels powerless, wronged, and overwhelmed. Believes life is happening to them and often abdicates personal responsibility.- Rescuer: Needs to help, fix, and save others. Often abandons their own needs in the process and believes their value comes from being needed.- Persecutor: Seen as the “bad guy”—critical, blaming, or refusing to play along with rescuing. Ironically, this is often the role you must risk stepping into to get out of the triangle.Each role feeds the others in a cycle of blame, guilt, and manipulation. And here’s the kicker: none of the roles are healthy, even the one that looks like “helping.”

The Problem with Victimhood

Playing the victim doesn’t mean you haven’t been wronged. Life deals real pain. But staying in victimhood means giving away your power. It’s the voice that says, “There’s nothing I can do,” and waits for someone else to fix it.The victim role creates dependency, fuels resentment, and often manipulates others into rescuing them. It blocks growth, insight, and change.The antidote? Stepping into the role of Creator.

Flipping the Triangle: The Empowerment Dynamic

David Emerald’s Empowerment Triangle offers a powerful reframe to escape the drama: -

-Victim → Creator: You move from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What can I create or change in this situation?”

- Rescuer → Coach: Instead of fixing others, you offer support while respecting their autonomy.

- Persecutor → Challenger: You tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. You hold boundaries.

Stepping into the Empowerment Triangle takes guts. But ultimately, you reclaim your life—your energy, your peace, your power.

How to Know You’re in the Triangle

Laura and Colette suggest asking yourself:- Do I feel like I’m constantly managing someone else’s emotions?- Do I avoid speaking up because I’m afraid of being “mean” or causing upset?- Do I need to be needed to feel valuable?- Do I feel like life just happens to me, and I have no control?If you nodded along, you’re probably in the triangle. Good news? You can step out.

Breaking the Cycle Starts With Feeling

The Drama Triangle runs on emotional suppression. To break free:1. Feel your feelings—all of them.2. Tell the truth—first to yourself, then to others.3. Own your part—without shame, but with honesty.4. Act from your values, not your fears.5. Be willing to be misunderstood.

Final Thoughts: From Drama to Empowerment

Stepping out of the Drama Triangle isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being conscious. We all slip into these roles sometimes. The goal isn’t to never falter. The goal is to catch ourselves, take a breath, and choose differently. In midlife especially, many women find themselves reevaluating long-held roles and stories. The Drama Triangle gives language to what feels “off” in some of our relationships. And the Empowerment Triangle offers a map out.Want support as you practice this in real life?

Listen to Ep. 57 Now

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