Ep. 54 Fired Up: Confronting and Healing from Sexual Abuse with Alreen Haeggquist

When sexual abuse is wrapped in a family system that thrives on secrecy, the damage runs deep. The abuse itself is traumatic enough, but when the people who are supposed to protect you become complicit in silence, the betrayal can feel insurmountable. In this powerful episode of Insights from the Couch, attorney, author, and survivor Alreen Haeggquist shares her story of surviving childhood sexual abuse and building a life committed to advocacy, truth, and healing.

Alreen's story is not just one of trauma—it's a story of strength. She was born in Karachi, Pakistan, the youngest of ten children, and raised in a household where abuse was hidden behind cultural taboos and family loyalty. Moving to the U.S. at a young age, she grew up believing the dysfunction was normal. It wasn’t until decades later, after a successful career and becoming a mother herself, that she fully confronted the truth of what happened to her.

If you grew up in a family where abuse was present and secrets were protected, here are key takeaways and steps for beginning your healing journey:

Acknowledge What Happened:

The first step is often the hardest: admitting the truth to yourself. Many survivors try to rationalize, minimize, or forget the abuse in an effort to move forward. But as Alreen shares, your healing starts when you stop pretending it didn’t happen. Naming the experience is not about blame—it’s about reclaiming your reality.

Know That You Are Not Alone:

Over half of women and a third of men experience some form of sexual abuse in their lifetime. Abuse is far more common than most people realize, especially when it's perpetrated by a trusted family member. You're not alone. You’re part of a larger community of survivors who understand the complex emotions of grief, confusion, anger, and betrayal.

 Secrets Make You Sick:

Keeping abuse a secret to preserve a family’s image harms the survivor most. As Alreen says, "You're only as sick as your secrets." Holding pain inside can lead to anxiety, autoimmune disorders, and emotional disconnection. Releasing the secret, even privately through journaling, can be the first act of self-liberation.

Inner Child Work is Transformational

Reconnecting with the scared, silenced child you once were is a powerful form of healing. In inner child work, you provide the comfort, safety, and love your younger self never received. Alreen describes this process as the key to unlocking her emotional capacity and moving from rage and fear into love and connection.

Therapy is Not Just for Crisis—It’s a Lifeline:

Alreen began therapy after the birth of her daughter, when old trauma was triggered in unexpected ways. Therapy isn’t about fixing everything quickly. It’s a long-term commitment to feeling, processing, and growing. Even years into the healing journey, it's normal to revisit painful memories with new insight.

Advocacy Can Be Empowering:

Today, Alreen helps survivors through her legal work, particularly women navigating harassment and abuse in the workplace. For her, using her voice has been part of her own healing. Sharing your truth, whether publicly or privately, allows you to reclaim power from what was taken.

There May Be Fallout—But There is Also Freedom:

Telling the truth can be disruptive to family systems that rely on denial. Some people may reject you, minimize your experience, or withdraw. But your loyalty to yourself and your healing must come first. As Alreen notes, not everyone will understand, and that’s okay. The truth is still worth telling.

Give Yourself (and Others) Time:

Healing is not linear. It unfolds slowly, often over years, and involves grief, setbacks, and breakthroughs. Similarly, family members who aren’t ready to face the truth may need time to come to terms with it. This doesn’t mean you should wait to start your healing—it just means progress and peace often unfold in stages.

Talk to Your Children About Safety and Boundaries:

Part of ending the cycle is education. Alreen advocates for talking openly with young people about workplace rights, bodily autonomy, and trusting their instincts. Abuse thrives in silence. Empower your children with the tools and language to protect themselves.

Accept What Can’t Be Changed and Create Something New:

You can’t rewrite the past. But you can change how it lives in your body, your relationships, and your future. Whether it's finding your voice, seeking justice, or becoming the parent you never had, you are not defined by what happened to you—you are defined by how you choose to move forward.

If you or someone you know is struggling with the aftermath of abuse, please reach out to a trauma-informed therapist or advocate. You are worthy of healing, and it is never too late to begin.To learn more about Alreen Haeggquist and her book Fired Up: Fueling Triumph from Trauma, visit alreen.com.

Listen to Ep. 54 Now

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