Ep. 53 Self-Care is an Inside Job: How to Find Your Recipe for Replenishment

Insights From the Couch – Blog | Episode 53 Recap

When you hear the phrase “self-care,” what comes to mind?A bubble bath? A spa day? A bottle of wine and a face mask?While those things might feel good in the moment, they’re often faux self-care—surface-level distractions sold to us as solutions. And in today’s episode of Insights From the Couch, we’re cutting through the noise to talk about what real self-care actually looks like—especially at midlife.

Real Self-Care is an Inside Job

As therapists and women living through midlife ourselves, we’ve seen how the term “self-care” has been co-opted by consumer culture. The pressure to perform femininity—to keep up with waxing appointments, Botox sessions, and $12 smoothies—can feel like a full-time job. But here’s the truth: self-care isn’t something you can buy.Real self-care is about replenishment, not escapism. It’s about tuning in—not checking out.

How to Spot Faux Self-Care

Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, psychiatrist and author of Real Self-Care, offers a framework we love:Faux self-care is often performative. It’s sold to you. It’s about appearances. It’s the checklist—“get a massage, check.”Real self-care, on the other hand, is internal. It’s about how you speak to yourself, how you set boundaries, and how you tend to your emotional and physical needs with compassion and honesty.

·       Here are some common self-care imposters:

·       Escapism disguised as “me time” (excessive drinking, binge scrolling, or over-shopping)

·       Upkeep framed as healing (Botox, hair appointments, nail salons)

·       Performative self-care done for social media or external validation

The Core Pillars of Real Self-Care

Boundaries

You cannot care for yourself without protecting your time, energy, and emotional space.

Self-Compassion

How do you talk to yourself when things go wrong? Treating yourself with kindness—especially in moments of suffering—is one of the most healing acts you can do.

Balance

Taking stock of all the areas of your life and ensuring none are completely running the show.

Embodiment

Real self-care invites us back into our bodies—through breath work, movement, or stillness.

Connection

Relational nourishment is a powerful form of self-care.

Creative Expression

Finding a way to express yourself without performance or pressure is deeply healing.

What Does Self-Care Look Like in Real Life?

It’s not glamorous, and it’s not one-size-fits-all. For us, it often looks like:

·       A long solo walk or jog in nature

·       A “sacred” Saturday morning with no obligations

·       Dancing and laughing with friends

·       Saying no to things that drain us

·       Reading a good novel uninterrupted

·       Making time to paint or decorate, just for the joy of it

·       Choosing silence over chaos when the world feels loud

Final Thought: Self-Care Isn’t Selfish—It’s Foundational

Self-care is not about being indulgent. It’s about being whole. When you care for yourself well, you’re better equipped to care for others, to show up fully in your life, and to live in alignment with your deepest values. So no, it’s not just a manicure. It’s how you live, how you relate to yourself, and how you come home to who you really are.

Listen to Ep. 53 Now

👟 Want to take this deeper? Join our upcoming Midlife Masterclass— a 12-week group experience designed to help you reconnect with yourself, your vitality, and your values.