Ep. 47 Losing a Loved One: How to Cope, Heal, and Move Forward with Helen Keeling-Neal

Grief is messy. It doesn’t follow a straight line. It can be quiet one day and gut-wrenching the next. In this deeply moving episode of Insights From the Couch, we sit down with therapist Helen Keeling-Neal to explore what it really looks like to lose a loved one—and live through it.Helen shares her story of losing her husband at just 42 years old, with two small children in tow. The loss was sudden, shocking, and life-altering. What followed was not a tidy five-stage journey, but a raw, non-linear process of surviving, adapting, and ultimately, rebuilding a life.

The “Business of Death” and the Silence That Follows

When someone dies, there's often a flurry of activity—calls, casseroles, funeral arrangements, well-meaning friends checking in. But as Helen describes, it's not until the noise dies down and the quiet sets in that the real grieving begins. "About six months later," she reflects, "I was curled up sobbing on the floor."In the early days, she moved into "mum mode," doing what she needed to do to keep her kids' lives intact—bedtime routines, school drop-offs, and somehow, figuring out a new income stream within three weeks of becoming a widow. The enormity of what was lost—partner, income, support system—only became clear in waves.

What Helped (and What Didn’t)

Grief doesn’t have a formula, but Helen offers a map of what helped her navigate the darkest moments:

- Therapy (especially EMDR): Trauma and grief often intertwine.

- Support groups like GriefShare and New Hope for Kids.

- Letting people help: Learning how to receive, even when unsure what was needed.

- Giving herself permission to feel—really feel.

- Eventually, opening to love again.

If You’re Grieving Right Now

Here are Helen’s heartfelt takeaways:

- Feel your feelings—don’t store them.

- Don’t judge your process.

- Let yourself be angry.

- Get support.

- Do something fun—even if it feels impossible.

- Avoid escape routes like substances or rebound relationships.

- Be mindful of your children’s grief.

- If you're supporting someone grieving, follow their lead.

It Doesn’t Get Easier—But You Get Better At It

One of the most poignant moments in the episode is when Helen shares a quote from the Queen Mother:"It doesn’t get better. I get better at it."Grief doesn’t go away. It reshapes you. It expands your capacity to feel, to love, to hold others’ pain. As Helen reminds us, healing is not about forgetting or replacing what was lost—it’s about carrying it with you as you live a new version of life.If you or someone you love is grieving, you are not alone. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just doing it—one breath, one day at a time.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

- EMDR Therapy Info: https://www.emdria.org/

- GriefShare: https://www.griefshare.org/

- New Hope for Kids: https://newhopeforkids.org/

More support and episode downloads at https://insightsfromthecouch.org